CNN Anchor Blames Cosby Rape Victim for Not Using Her Teeth

 

Today is another DAILY DOUBLE DOUCHENOZZLE!  He's so douchey that one douchenozzle was not enough to contain his douchery.

Don Lemon Tells Bill Cosby Accuser: "There Are Ways Not To Perform Oral Sex"

Director Nolan Insults the Intelligence of His Audiences

Thanks Mr. Nolan, auteur.  Thank you for letting all of us who maybe would like to actually understand the dialogue spoken by your actors by 'splainin' how we just don't understand your artistic vision.

Christopher Nolan Breaks Silence on 'Interstellar' Sound (Exclusive)

This One Goes Out To All Those Who Do This. And You Know Who You Are.

 

Today's Daily Douchenozzle is....me.

 

A number of years ago I was heading home after work on a beautiful, sunny Friday afternoon.  At home, a picnic was being prepped for us to take our two little kids out to the park for dinner and playtime to kick off the weekend. 

I barely got 2 blocks from my job before I came to a screeching halt as a guy in a convertible, talking on his phone, came lunging out from between two cars in a line of cars in the right hand lane.  He was attempting a left-turn over 5 lanes out of a gas station.  My left lane was entirely clear of traffic except for me.  I hit my brakes immediately and hit the convertible on the driver side door and totaled my car and broke my knee (a bit of a struggle since our apartment at the time was on a second floor).

So, turns out that the driver did not have insurance (of course) because he was the victim of a dot-com business that went bust so he kept making his payments on his expensive convertible but stopped paying on his insurance.  Not the smartest decision.  Neither was his decision to follow the advice of the car in the right hand lane that was "waving him through."  The police officer who arrived on the scene referred to that act as the "wave of death" and advised both of us to never trust some stranger in a car to make life or death decisions for us.  Being the victim who was about to spend the evening in the E.R. and the next few months recovering and regaining use of my knee (thankfully not a worse injury), I took the police officer's advice to heart and I not only ignore people who offer me a "wave of death," I also don't offer the "wave" to other people even when it pisses them off.  So, with this post, I just want to salute all the people out there who think I'm a douchenozzle for not allowing them to cross in front of me and let their displeasure known by giving me the finger and mouthing profanities.

I'm sorry that I did not (and will not) be responsible for your bodily injury or death.  And next time, maybe just go up the block a bit where you can find a U-turnaround or a different light-protected option.  That way maybe we can all survive and live happily ever after.

Milionaire Fashion Designer, and Douche, Vivien Westwood Has The Cure for Poverty: LET THEM EAT LESS!

Since she feels entitled to give unsolicited advice to poor people, I'll retort with unsolicited advice to her that she might want to fire her hair stylist.

Millionaire Vivienne Westwood Has Some Advice For Poor People

America's Favorite Quack Gets Gobsmacked by Twitter. God Bless You All.

Doctor of Quack-Douchery meets the real world.

America's quack Dr. Oz asks people to ask him questions on Twitter. Hilariously, the results aren't quite what he expected.

Florida's Douchery Knows No Bounds

Ever Wanted A Fool-Proof Test of Douchery?

 

Fool-Proof Test That Separates The Douches from the Rest of Us:

 

DOES THAT PERSON TRY TO PASS LAWS THAT GIVE PEOPLE LICENSE TO FIRE EMPLOYEES AND TURN AWAY CUSTOMERS BECAUSE OF THEIR SEXUAL ORIENTATION?

 

Yes = Douche

Texas Lawmaker Wants Constitutional 'License To Discriminate' Against LGBT Workers And Customers

Douchey Website Streams People's Home Security Cams Without Permission

Regardless of the reason, this is the height of douchery. Really Creepy Website Streams Home Security Cameras for Strangers

South Carolina Exit Asks Racist Questions

'Overtly racist' South Carolina exit poll asked if blacks are 'too demanding' of equal rights

Douche, Party of One! Douche, Party of One!

Ever wondered how to spot a douchenozzle in the wild?

Trending: News anchor breaks it down on set, co-anchor not amused

Ft. Lauderdouche Police Arresting People Who Feed Starving Homeless

90-year-old Florida man charged for feeding homeless people

Ride-Share App Gouges Riders' Bank Accounts on Halloween Weekend

Surge pricing angers Uber riders

Homophobic Bully Taken Down By Onlookers at D/FW

This is a little over a week old but I've had new douchenozzles make it into the newsfeeds that kept preempting my ability to feature this guy.  This homophobic douchenozzle was caught on vide verbally and physically abusing a fellow traveler at Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport.  However, you will feel your heart soar with renewed faith in humanity when the bystanders swarm the douchenozzle and take him down until security could arrive and haul him away.

Onlookers Use Force to Subdue Homophobic Bully After Rant Gets Physical

It is always possible to be nice.

Both Parties Demonstrating They Are All On One Team: TEAM DOUCHENOZZLE

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Both parties trying new un-American tactic of public shaming to "get out the vote."  So, this is me doing my own All-American tactic of publicly shaming both parties for acting like douchenozzles.

Both parties trying new get-out-the-vote tactic for midterm elections - public shaming

Douche Dynasty Dad Whips Up Christian Hysteria in Houston

Someone needs to remind Phil and the other Ducks that it is actually possible to be a Christian in this world without being a Douche about it!

Duck Dynasty Dad Warns #IStandSunday Believers They're Headed For Jail For Being Christian

Homophobic Pastor Claims Gay Clientele at Starbucks are Responsible for Ebola

Coincidentally, this blog was just posted from....STARBUCKS!

Starbola: Pastor Claims Gays Are Spreading Ebola At Starbucks (Video)

For more info on Pastor Manning's douchebagginess just glance through his church's Wiki page.