CNN Anchor Blames Cosby Rape Victim for Not Using Her Teeth

 

Today is another DAILY DOUBLE DOUCHENOZZLE!  He's so douchey that one douchenozzle was not enough to contain his douchery.

Don Lemon Tells Bill Cosby Accuser: "There Are Ways Not To Perform Oral Sex"

Director Nolan Insults the Intelligence of His Audiences

Thanks Mr. Nolan, auteur.  Thank you for letting all of us who maybe would like to actually understand the dialogue spoken by your actors by 'splainin' how we just don't understand your artistic vision.

Christopher Nolan Breaks Silence on 'Interstellar' Sound (Exclusive)

This One Goes Out To All Those Who Do This. And You Know Who You Are.

 

Today's Daily Douchenozzle is....me.

 

A number of years ago I was heading home after work on a beautiful, sunny Friday afternoon.  At home, a picnic was being prepped for us to take our two little kids out to the park for dinner and playtime to kick off the weekend. 

I barely got 2 blocks from my job before I came to a screeching halt as a guy in a convertible, talking on his phone, came lunging out from between two cars in a line of cars in the right hand lane.  He was attempting a left-turn over 5 lanes out of a gas station.  My left lane was entirely clear of traffic except for me.  I hit my brakes immediately and hit the convertible on the driver side door and totaled my car and broke my knee (a bit of a struggle since our apartment at the time was on a second floor).

So, turns out that the driver did not have insurance (of course) because he was the victim of a dot-com business that went bust so he kept making his payments on his expensive convertible but stopped paying on his insurance.  Not the smartest decision.  Neither was his decision to follow the advice of the car in the right hand lane that was "waving him through."  The police officer who arrived on the scene referred to that act as the "wave of death" and advised both of us to never trust some stranger in a car to make life or death decisions for us.  Being the victim who was about to spend the evening in the E.R. and the next few months recovering and regaining use of my knee (thankfully not a worse injury), I took the police officer's advice to heart and I not only ignore people who offer me a "wave of death," I also don't offer the "wave" to other people even when it pisses them off.  So, with this post, I just want to salute all the people out there who think I'm a douchenozzle for not allowing them to cross in front of me and let their displeasure known by giving me the finger and mouthing profanities.

I'm sorry that I did not (and will not) be responsible for your bodily injury or death.  And next time, maybe just go up the block a bit where you can find a U-turnaround or a different light-protected option.  That way maybe we can all survive and live happily ever after.

Milionaire Fashion Designer, and Douche, Vivien Westwood Has The Cure for Poverty: LET THEM EAT LESS!

Since she feels entitled to give unsolicited advice to poor people, I'll retort with unsolicited advice to her that she might want to fire her hair stylist.

Millionaire Vivienne Westwood Has Some Advice For Poor People

America's Favorite Quack Gets Gobsmacked by Twitter. God Bless You All.

Doctor of Quack-Douchery meets the real world.

America's quack Dr. Oz asks people to ask him questions on Twitter. Hilariously, the results aren't quite what he expected.

Florida's Douchery Knows No Bounds

Ever Wanted A Fool-Proof Test of Douchery?

 

Fool-Proof Test That Separates The Douches from the Rest of Us:

 

DOES THAT PERSON TRY TO PASS LAWS THAT GIVE PEOPLE LICENSE TO FIRE EMPLOYEES AND TURN AWAY CUSTOMERS BECAUSE OF THEIR SEXUAL ORIENTATION?

 

Yes = Douche

Texas Lawmaker Wants Constitutional 'License To Discriminate' Against LGBT Workers And Customers